SALT LAKE CITY (The Borowitz Report)—Mike Pence was reportedly “hopping mad” after Senator Kamala Harris announced that she intends to wear a hazmat suit to Wednesday’s Vice-Presidential debate.
Harris argued that, although she would be twelve feet away from Pence and protected by a plexiglass shield, she was donning he hazmat suit “out of an abundance of caution.”
“The White House is refusing to do contact tracing,” she said. “I don’t know where Mike Pence has been.”
Pence howled in protest at Harris’s move, calling the hazmat suit “political theatre at its most outrageous.”
“I pose no danger to anyone,” he said. “I am a responsible adult, not a child, and Mother agrees with me.”